At this Time

When the month of November come my heart starts to ache. The mall start playing there Christmas songs, the decoration, people are in the buzzing mode. As I stand and watch my heart aches for the memories enter my head and my heart. Her laughter, her smile, the brilliant glow on her face, the excitement in her little heart. No more do I see all of this all I feel is the cold wind on my face as my tears make there way to the floor of my soul.

Its not that I hate Christmas it’s just that Christmas without my Nicole and sharing the LOVE of Christ with her is not and will never be the same it will always be sad and lonely she will never humanly fill my heart with that glow.

But I know that for Nicole its not the same cause for her she is singing with the angel SINGING GOD"S PRAISE rejoicing with the heavenly children of GOD.
Oh !just to be able to fell just a little bit of what her heart fell, to be in the present of our LORD just to really fell the power of GOD before her. To run in the heavenly beautiful garden to really truly be free of tears, pain, fear, never ever have a broken heart never fell alone I cannot wrap my pea brain around that Oh but how I long for that.

It reminds of what I read about Paul in my study when he said to be with God is to GAIN. But what is confusing meis that I most stay here with you till my time come to do what ever it is God wants me to do. But my selfish human heart wants to leave and leave now.

As I read the paper listen to TV my heart is sadden even more just to see how MAN is so stupid and so self centre that it makes me sick and makes me long even more for God to call me home. Man has sooooooooo lost the true meaning of Christmas. He is so busy worrying about offending some one else or stepping on some one toes and because of that he is deciding to change all what Christmas OH sorry should I say this holiday is all about. This time of years is just and other holiday just like all the rest lets just get drunk act like idiots and forget about that GUY you know him that kid that was suppose to have been born in a manger what’s his name again Oh ya Joseph or was it Jesus ya I think that’s it Jesus.

Let’s bring in our rules because we own this place call earth so we call the shots. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! THIS WORLD JUST MAKES ME SICK.

Sorry I just wanted to share with you how my heart fells at this time of year without my Nicole and my anger got the best of me. Because even if my heart is hurting and I miss her so so much and I long to be with her. I still Care about the Child that was born to us on Christmas Day OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST

I pray to you OH Lord that you would stop this madness break those hearts of stone and bring peace on this earth

LOSTSOUL